What is true changes slowly and surely
People often ask me, “Isn’t there a quicker way?” I don’t think there is. To be sure, there are some who drastically change by a single word like a boy who has not gone to school for a long time begins to go to school after one counseling.
However, such a boy will, in general, return to the original situation in due course of time. The reason is that such a drastic change is not a true one. I think a true change takes place slowly and surely. There certainly are some who will not return to the original situation once they have made a drastic change. But, in this case, I cannot help but worry about what will happen in their future.
They are just like weather vanes that quickly turn direction by a blast of wind. A quick turn to the opposite direction suggests that they will easily go back to the original direction.
Though we counselors tell our clients, “Please tell me anything,” or “I will listen to whatever you may say,” they rarely begin to talk in response to our request. On such an occasion, I ask them, “What do you like?” For what they like will often provide us with a clue in forecasting their future path.
In the case with children who have problems, it will not do to give advice or preach to them. Instead, if there were a boy who likes to play soccer, it is better to let him play soccer with his whole heart. At that time, the boy might change step by step.
Such a boy can broaden his horizons through sports and build up new relationships with others. Instructors of sports know many such cases.
In my case, after asking, “What do you like?” I also ask, “Which part of it is interesting?” To this question, children may answer in various ways according to their characters, such as “I like team work.” As I continue conversing with the client, for example, with a boy who likes soccer, I come to find something that overlaps with what is happening in his mind. Though the boy may think that he is talking about soccer, he actually is talking about his life. I feel I have to follow him along the path that he wishes to follow.
However, children with serious problems often say that they have nothing they like, they just want to die, or they cannot find any meaning in life. In these cases, we should not tell them not to die but ask them why they want to die. While we are listening to them patiently, they begin to change little by little. Counselors are required to wait until this stage while making an effort to find something in common with the clients.
There is no knowing what will mediate between a counselor and a client during counseling. It might be a dog, exercise, or ill condition of a body. Through these media, we counselors will approach the mind of clients.