Being neither too close to nor too distant from each other
I suppose that most of those who are here have an idea of being helpful to others or saving others even for a little. To tell the truth, I also had the same idea when I was young and chose this field as my vocation.
However, before long, I came to understand how difficult it was to be helpful to others. It might seem easy to meet a specific demand of a person, such as the demand of a bedridden old man that he wants to take a bath. We would simply think that he will be very happy if we let him take a bath. But this is a shallow idea.
As those who have experienced it may know, it is not easy to let a bedridden old person take a bath. When we do so, we should know how to carry the person in our arms and how to take off the clothes, which are also different between men and women or from person to person. If the old person were able to take a bath with the help of others, the person would feel thankful for it. If we could not let the old person take a bath smoothly, however, the person would not feel truly thankful for it.
Accordingly, those who wish to be helpful to others have to study and train all the time. Thinking in this way, I also have been training myself so that I might be helpful to others.
In the case of counselors like us, it becomes more difficult to be helpful to others because we take care of people’s minds. For example, if a boy who refuses to go to school came to see me, though I wish to be helpful to him in some way, I would not be so hasty as to persuade him to go to school as soon as possible.
The reason is that I cannot predict what will come into being from the fact that he does not go to school. Therefore, I keep listening to what he says without disturbing his talk even if he tells me something that seems to have nothing to do with the issue at hand. What I wish is not to force my idea on him but to give a hint to him so that he can find his way of life by himself. Listening to what others say is the most important thing for counselors.
Listening attentively to what others say and agreeing with others, however, are different. For example, if I say “yes” responding to the boy’s saying that his mother is unpardonable, it means that I agree with him. Maintaining a relationship of being neither too close to nor too distant from each other is truly difficult.